Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
