All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
