Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
