There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
