my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
