i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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