I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize