I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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