Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
