Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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