The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
