Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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