if i can run in heels then i can drive
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
