yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
