I'm gonna have a badass scar
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
