Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
