The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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