He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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