White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
