Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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