Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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