so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
