first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize