ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
