I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
