he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
