Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
