So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
