Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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