The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
