I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
