Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
