fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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