If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
