he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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