Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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