Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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