do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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