found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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