Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
