I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
