Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
handjob tips. give me some.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
