im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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