two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
