is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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