Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's the barista slut.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize