You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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