The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
