do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
