Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
