come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
