Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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