k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
