So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
