I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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