Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
