this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
