I think I died a long time ago.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
