see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
