What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize