Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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