yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
