I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
