at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
