If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
