bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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