Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
