Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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