My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
