I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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