just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
