I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
