She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
